*Disclaimer: This post is intended for individuals in serious, committed relationships where BOTH parties are equally contributing and working towards a common goal. It is NOT (I repeat, is NOT) intended for situationships where only ONE party is doing majority of the work while Tyrone/ Keisha sleeps on your couch when you’re at work*
“You’re a princess so you deserve the absolute best. God will place the perfect man in your life who will sweep you off your feet. He will pamper you like a Queen while providing your every need. Remember to never surrender and most importantly, never settle…”
Oh how sweet the sound… How encouraging it is to be reassured that your future will be filled with shopping sprees, relentless with romance, bursting with back rubs and breakfast in bed, and provided for with pure bliss? How comforting it is to know that you will meet the person who will be responsible for your bright smiles, uplifted mornings, and protected nights? Aaahhhh those moments. Those moments you anxiously wait to experience…. They start with a simple hello and develop into a daydream. Nevertheless, you grow older and enter the dating world just to realize this adult version picture is not as breathtaking and appealing as that picture that was painted for you in your youth. Where are my 2 dozen roses? What happened to my back rubs and shopping sprees? And most importantly, who the heck is bringing my bacon in bed?!? Ugh, this is not how it’s supposed to be! Now what? Now you strongly want to go back and apply significant force (with your hands) to everyone’s face who put their bid in to sell you this dream! But then you start to wonder…. was it really a dream???
Has anyone (besides me) been faced with the fallacy that the man’s primary role in your life is to provide, protect, and prepare? Well, I come with good news for you– it’s not a fallacy! A male’s role in your life IS to provide for your home, protect your mind, body, and spirit, and prepare a future for your children. Although a challenging task, it’s the role he was created to fulfill. So if these are the males’ responsibilities, what purpose does a woman serve; what was she designed to do? Sit back and watch him do it all while contributing nothing? Sadly enough, some women would respond, “Yaaaasssssssss bish! That’s what he’s supposed to do, he’s the man!” I beg to differ. In my opinion, I believe she was designed with the EXACT same purpose in mind….
Somewhere along the lines of this ill-advised generation, the majority of today’s women received (and became consumed) with the idea that “the man of your dreams” will provide your EVERY need. He’s expected to be gainfully employed, love and care for his wife, be financially responsible, exhibit strength, practice discipline, AND be fine (ok I just added that fine part myself but aye, who doesn’t like something nice to look at?) Why should all of that pressure be applied to ONE person when a relationship requires TWO? God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” He did not say, “It’s cool for the man to be alone. I will make him a woman to be there when times are good and nag him when times are bad.” We were created to compliment men, not disgrace them. “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Be his relief, not the source of his pain.
As a woman praying and waiting for my husband, I have to remind myself that in order for me to be blessed with my King; I must first be a “Proverbs 31 Queen”– meaning I must be equipped and willing to provide, protect, and prepare alongside him. I MUST be willing to submit (NOT serve as a doormat—there’s a huge difference) to my husband, bring him good and not harm, nourish his mind and body, encourage him, exude strength and wisdom, remain faithful, and most importantly, respect him! “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies” I don’t know about y’all but I’m working to be top shelf!
Am I trying to be top shelf by myself? Of course not! I want every woman I encounter to desire the same. This isn’t written to hurt or demean anyone; it’s purpose was to serve as a friendly reminder to help my women (and myself) rediscover and reclaim our purpose. The more time I spend conversing with and observing others, the more I discover that fewer women are Proverbs 31 women. We’ve become women who are in competition to prove our capabilities, showcase our “independence”, and remind men that although we were created FROM them to ASSIST them, that we DON’T NEED them! That’s not who we were created to be. We were created to be man’s supplement. Admire his heart, support his vision, encourage his growth, RESPECT his position, strengthen his downfalls, direct his dreams, endure the difficult times, build a legacy, BE WHAT HE NEEDS! Don’t leave and/or demean him when times get hard. Life happens to us all.
I read a quote a few weeks back and it has really stuck with me since. It read, “Y’all are so afraid to build with a man. If he isn’t perfect, you quit. If he has potential, sit your ass down and help him reach it all.” In other words, lost his job? Help him find another and support the household in the meantime. Work stressing him out? Have the massage oil, hot bath, and Hennessy ready when he walks through the door. He can’t read? Order this nigga some “Your Baby Can Read” flashcards! (Lol!!!! Got eeemmm!!! Just wanted to see if you were paying attention). The moral of the story is, have his effin back!!!! Point. Blank. Period. Make it your duty to be a Proverbs 31 to a man who’s shown his worthiness. However, if you’re single like me, keep improving baby and remember you’re a Queen! Never surrender and most importantly, never settle! ❤
Peace and blessings! 🙂