As I sit here with a glass of wine in my hand (Don’t judge me– it’s 5:00 somewhere! Lol) and my “R&B Love Songs” Pandora station singing my life, my mind embarks on an unauthorized journey with NO destination. One moment I’m thinking of unfinished tasks from the day before and within the next second, I’m gone… I’m immediately captured in my thoughts–replaying constant reminders of mistakes I should forget, memories I want to cherish for a lifetime, and of course, that four letter word that’s embedded in my mind and written in bold…. LOVE!
Though I sometimes entertain the thought that I’m undisputed in this relentless fight with Cupid, or as some may say “sucka-free”, I find myself caught in a web of deception EVERY time. Truth is, I’m at his beck and call. There’s nothing more in this world I love more than love itself. From its ability to make the most venal person selfless to the way it forces the heart to step outside its comfort zone and guides it to an area overflowing with uncertainty. I cherish everything about it…
I live for those moments where I find myself smiling for no reason—just to realize I’m smiling because the thought of him popped into my mind. Those moments when I can’t seem to find sleep because memories of him have COMPLETELY taken over my mind and have begun to create a full length movie. Those moments when I can’t focus on anyone or anything else because I’m thinking of him and praying he’s thinking of me too. Those moments when every time my phone rings, I get that “roller coaster” feeling in my stomach because I’m exhilarated at the possibility that it may be him. You know that feeling when you’re at the peak of a roller coaster and you’re filled with so much anxiety and excitement because you know that drop is coming and you couldn’t control it even if you wanted to. I live for that feeling.
Regardless of my MANY attempts to redirect my thoughts, I can’t shake em. I can’t help but think about love and its remarkable ability to transform people. Whether relationships end in a resentful farewell or a blissful marriage, the act of loving someone changes you and trust me, it changes you forever. It has the undeniable talent to make you feel like you’ve just touched a dream and entered into the pits of hell all in the same moment. Talk about being bipolar… Lol! But that’s the risk we take with love. You’ll never know what’s to come next unless you’re brave enough to face whatever it brings!
One day, my King and I will play the lead roles in a love story so breathtaking the greatest author couldn’t find the words to capture it. While I wait, I pray that God continuously grooms me to be the virtuous woman he needs while preparing him to be the faithful protector I need. But until then, I invite you into my thoughts to walk with me and share my world while I figure out what this whole love thing is all about. I’m ready to appreciate its beauty, tame its beast, and prepare for its battle… After all, anything worth having is worth fighting for! ♥