“It’s easy to take your clothes off and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams….. THAT is being naked.” ~Unknown
It’s a beautiful Sunday night and of course I’m sitting here on my couch looking like Homer Simpson in a smedium t-shirt and shorts.Laptop on my lap, drink in my cup, and R. Kelly Radio giving life in the background. (Lol, y’all know I had to paint the picture) But I digress…. Blogging invites me on a beautiful journey to mindfulness– a place where my words are totally overcome by my never-ending thoughts. And as always, my mind is singing it’s favorite tune… replaying the words to a beautiful love song. Usually, I would try my best to change the station, but this particular song has my mind totally captivated.
I started off in a moment of self- reflection thinking, “I’m 27, simply GAWJUS ;), lovable personality, independent when I have to be yet submissive when I need to be, can cook, loves sweet baby Jesus, and yet I’m still over here SINGLE! TF IS GOING ON?!?!” Then almost within the blink of an eye, I was reminded why– I am completely and utterly consumed with the beauty of being naked. (Now don’t y’all start thinking I’m out here thottin or showing my a$$!! LoL!) When I say naked, I’m referring to the quote mentioned above. I LOVE spending time with someone I’m interested in. Getting to know every single detail about them while we sit up for hours talking about everything and nothing. I live for those moments when I can have that mind-blowing soul sex with my s/o…. Slow dancing to the songs our vibes play while he’s stripping every last one of my defenses, tasting my every thought, penetrating my mind as I beg him to go deeper, making my mind orgasm until I’m left in a speechless daze and drifting into a sweet, sweet dream. (Dang, I forgot to smoke a cigarette! LoL!) Man, NOTHING turns me on more than a man who makes it his duty to explore my mind. Unfortunately, I’m starting to think that’s become a thing of the past…
Sex nowadays is common. So common that it’s lost its beauty and purpose. Sex was intended to be a special union of two lives into one. It wasn’t intended to be treated lightly because it makes you vulnerable. When it’s not performed with the right person, it actually weakens you. And who wants to be vulnerable with the wrong person?? Pssshhhh, I have enough trouble raising my hand in front of a crowd when I have a question! In my younger days, I was the poster child for “Young and Dumb”. I used to actually believe sex was just an act– that you had to have no feelings involved if you chose not to. If he was fine and looked like he had an air freshener can in his drawls, ALL SYSTEMS GO!!!! LOL! All of that were true until I found myself emotionally naked when I fell in love. It was then that I realized the mistakes I’ve made. For the very first time, everything I thought I once knew had changed. I began to yearn for someone’s time, attention, and mind above his body. Ok, maybe not ABOVE but they were equal! LoL! 😉 But seriously, once you’ve been vulnerable with someone who is vulnerable with you, it’ll never be the same. It’s truly a beautiful thang! As I’ve become older, I thank God for giving me the discernment to make better decisions. I truly believe that physical attractions are common, but mental connections are rare. Once you’ve had the latter, the former will NEVER be enough. Maybe it’s just the sapiosexual in me….
I always wonder if mental connections, and the lack thereof, are why so many people (more so women) are bitter and hopeless in their attempts to find true love. Maybe they’ve been vulnerable with the wrong one. Just think about it, being vulnerable with the wrong person has the ability to harden the most compassionate heart. It leaves you scared to ever share yourself with anyone ever again. Let’s take a woman for instance… We’ll name her Sha’Quan. Ok, so Sha’Quan goes out one night and meets Mike. Mike is tall, dark, handsome, has a deep voice, white teeth, big feet, etc. I mean, this man was so fine he made Atheists believe there was a God because only He could create something so beautiful. So these two go out on a couple of dates. Nothing serious, just a few nights of fun. No boundaries were ever established because neither of them were looking for anything serious– they genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. So after the 3rd or 4th date, they have sex. It was good stuff too, Sha’Quan had to re-install a couple of her Brazilian tracks once it was over! Hahaha! While they were still in bed, Sha’Quan asked Mike the infamous question men LOVE to hear, “Where is this going?” (And ladies we alllll know that if you have to ask this question, the answer is “no damn where!”) After 49.7 minutes of silence and play sleeping, he finally answered, “Uhhhh, what you mean? I thought we was cool.” And there it is! The beginning of the end…!
Although I believe that no one was created to have sex with ‘no strings attached’, I do believe that’s a position easier for men than us women. Reason being…. the increased production of oxytocin! Men produce oxytocin as well but women produce it at higher levels. Oxytocin plays a role in bonding, maternal instinct, enduring friendship, marriage, and (drumroll please)…. ORGASMS!!! Research shows that oxytocin is released through love making and creates a false sense of love and trust. Ladies this is why you wanna scream “I LOVE YOU!” when Tyrone is puttin it down then turn around and stalk him at his job when he doesn’t text you back within 4 seconds!! LoL! According to Dr. Loretta Breuning, “After making love a woman might mistake the oxytocin release for feelings that tell her, ‘This is your perfect partner.’ Despite those initial feelings, it does not necessarily mean that the person is trustworthy. The perception you have at the moment is an illusion you create about the person that may or may not fit what happens next”. Deep ish ain’t it?! Which is why we as women have to be extremely careful with who we allow to enter the promised land! Everyone is not intending to stay and tend to the scenery…
When these thoughts begin to enter my mind, I have to ask myself, “Is sex something people really want or is it a shield so they aren’t forced to go any deeper? Are people using sex as a cop out because they don’t know how to be vulnerable with someone?” Those questions have still gone unanswered. But I say all of that to say this…. Be careful and choose wisely! The next time you’re approached with the option of giving yourself to someone, ask yourself, “Do I love him/her?”, Does he/she know what I’m passionate about?”, “Can he/she tell when I’m mad without me speaking a single word?” “Do I want a piece of my soul to be tied with this person forever?”. If you answered no to at least two of these questions, politely excuse yourself and tell him/her…. “No Soul, No Sentiment, No Service”! Or you can just sing “No sex zone, no sex zone… they knoowww betta, they knnoowww betta!!” LoL! Trust me, it works. It’s kept me celibate for 3 years and counting! Maybe if more people had soul sex before physical sex, we’d all be in a much happier place with healthier relationships… Definitely something to consider.
An emotional nudist in a fully clothed world
P.S. I forgot to ask my QOTD: When was the last time you were naked?? 😉