Allow this song to serve as a theme to this entry….
“Good morning beautiful. Hope you have a blessed day.” “As hard as I’ve tried, the thought of you has not escaped my mind all day.” “How’s your day?” “Thinking of you.” “Good night beautiful. Sweet dreams”….
Ooohhhh how beautiful it is to know that you’re constantly in someone’s thoughts. To know that throughout the day’s ceaseless moments of stress, busyness, appointments, and responsibility, someone made it their duty to ensure you knew that the mere thought of you surpassed all of life’s drama and remained on the forefront of their brains the entire day. Those delightful beginning stages….
Soon after, those ‘thinking about you’ text messages blossom into random, hour long phone conversations. Those unexpected, yet fulfilling phone conversations that originate from a simple hello and mature into you both conversing about experiences you wish you could erase from your pasts. Just the idea alone of seeing his name appear on your caller ID was enough to make every critical moment of your day vanish. Conversations turn into dinner and a movie—and before you know it, you find yourself embarking on late night rendezvouses just because you yearn to see his face, intimate cuddle sessions, and before you had the opportunity to give Cupid your permission, you’re totally enamored. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, you weren’t supposed to fall this deep this soon….
Although you have your reservations, falling feels good. You haven’t fallen in so long and because of him, you’re starting to remember how exhilarating falling feels. It’s definitely not love at this point—you really can’t attach a word to the way you feel. You’re past the point of general interest, but have yet to reach the point where you feel you can’t live without him. It’s still fun. (And I don’t know about you, but it’s never been a bad idea to invite fun to the bar for a drink or 2… or 6) 😉
Right as you’re in the middle of this blissful transit to love, you hit a bump. And I’m not talking about a minor speed bump—I’m talking about one of those ignorant ass potholes that make your heart skip a couple of beats as soon as you hit it. You didn’t see it coming—there was no way you could. But dammit as soon as you did, you almost hit 3 people, 2 babies, and a dog trying to dodge it. What the heck was that bump?! Life, reality, whichever you prefer. Unexpected bills arose, car trouble became a recurring theme, and two problems turned into 12. Typically, you can handle a few setbacks—you’re used to them, you almost expect them. But this time, they all came to visit you at once. That’s the part you weren’t expecting.
The interesting thing about it all is that life happens to all of us. The distinguishing factor that separates us all is how we choose to cope with life’s stress. I deal with stress the best way I know how. I do what I can, and allow God to do what I can’t. Others choose to tackle both the controllable and uncontrollable factors of life. (I personally don’t have the time or desire to do so). So in the midst of dealing with these setbacks, you decide to put a pause on this once blissful journey you were aboard. Those daily “good morning beautiful” texts you’ve become accustomed to painfully reverted to “what’s up” texts that occurred on a weekly basis. Those nice, hour long conversations regressed into hour long arguments because the ongoing stress he was enduring was damaging enough to rot even the most beautiful of moments to the bone. How the heck did we get here? How did we go from admiration to animosity? Just when I was beginning to fall…
Of course things happen in our daily lives that we don’t foresee. That’s what life is all about. But how do they quickly destroy something that once had potential to be so promising? It’s simple. The foundation was weak. You tried your best to be their calm in the midst of the storm. Not because you care so deeply for this person, but because you genuinely want to be the reason their storm didn’t seem so critical. You wanted to be the reason they had a reason to smile, even though the stones being thrown at them on a daily basis were enough to bring a giant to their knees. Was a mutual liking present? Yes. Was a mutual understanding present? No. We lacked the mutual respect and understanding that was essential for survival. Simply put, we didn’t know each other’s language so it was impossible to comprehend the message we were both trying to send. And although you tried your best to be their calm, you couldn’t. You weren’t allowed to be. They didn’t want you to be. When he’s stressed, he prefers to be left alone. I, on the other hand, am a fixer. I want to see where the issue lies, discuss it, brainstorm a solution, and make you laugh in the process. In his eyes, my attempts to help him through his storm were seen as me “pressing the issue” and his attempts to relay the message that he preferred to be left alone were perceived as him being an asshole. Not knowing how someone communicates is the key ingredient to a not-so-happy ending. Does it suck that it ended? Absolutely. But did I learn something valuable in the process? Absolutely… Forever takes faith and unity requires understanding. Try one without the other and it’s bound to result in hurt feelings and a Jazmine Sullivan cd.
So what do you have left after you’ve exhausted a good portion of your time and energy into something that eventually became a distant memory? You wake up, dress up, put on your mascara and lipstick, and SHOW UP! Good women don’t stay down too long…
Until next time,