He’s unfaithful. “But I love him.”
He weakens your mind, body, and spirit. “But I love him.”
He carelessly abandons your desires and needs. “But I love him.”
He doesn’t encourage you to pursue your passions. “But I love him.”
As I sit here engulfed in my feelings and philosophies, I can’t help but recollect the numerous times I’ve either heard or spoken those 4 words that somehow provided a justification for my moments of powerlessness – “but I love him”. I love him so much that I chose to prioritize his needs before my own, although I knew his needs would serve as the crossing guard down a road of dissatisfaction. But I love him. I love him so much that in spite of the countless red flags that warned me he was trouble, I decided to indulge anyways just to see how satisfying his trouble tasted. But I love him. I love him so much that I repeatedly chose tolerate his bad habits and behaviors that otherwise would have sent me running faster than a crack addict chasing a dollar bill on a string. But I love him. Do I love me? And if I do, who do I love more?
Lol… how many times?? How many times have we sat back and blatantly ignored EVERY SINGLE red flag that was raised in our face? I mean, some men’s Dickfax Personal History Report would look just like this…..
94 ½ accidents reported to Dickfax
Dickfax 102- previous owners
47 doctor visit records available
297,463 last reported ho-dometer reading
-$100 below retail book value
And guess what?! Some women would STILL find a way to excuse all that former bs and think, “I can change ALLLL of that! He just hasn’t met me yet. Just watch, he’ll be the next Barack by the time I’m done with him.” LoL! Are we serious?!?! What is it about us women that allow us to turn into effin Doc McStuffins when we enter into a relationship with someone? We meet and date these men that come with so much baggage, not to mention their unwillingness to change and think we have the love, patience, and POWER to polish them into the next best thing! Tuh! I don’t know about you, but I have definitely encountered a “red flag” man and ignored every single bump and bruise he had because I felt I had the power of baby Jesus himself and could turn this Lil Wayne into Idris Elba. How successful was I?? Baaabbby not at all… All I ended up with was Lil Wayne with a haircut, still no accent, and a lil more weight. But I love him.
Now we’re at the point where it’s 3 years, 1 child, 10 empty bottles, and 88 boxes later and all I’m left to ask is… “How did I get here and who the eff is there to blame?” Do I blame him for coming into my life with so much baggage and feeding me lie after lie? Or do I blame myself for knowingly seeing what he brought to the table (nothing) and choosing to eat every lie like I’d been starving for months? Truth is, you blame yourself. People will always feed you exactly what you crave. It’s up to us to be able to decipher the talkers from the doers. If we initially make the mistake of tolerating other’s foolishness, that’s ok. Players eff up too, Craig. However, several bad choices are no longer mistakes, they become habits. As J. Cole said, “Fool me once man, shame on you. Fool me twice, can’t put the blame on you. Fool me three times, f**k the peace sign, load the chopper and let it rain on you.” J I can only be mature for so long…. But I love him.
Then what? What do we do when we keep running into these men that seem to be nothing but irresponsible, untruthful, unfaithful creatures? We self- reflect and evaluate. We take a trip into our past and draw connections about ourselves to determine exactly what it is that attracts this said type of man. What vibes are we sending? Are we entering into a new relationship without fully recovering from a previous one? What are the roles of a woman in relationships? The man? What issues/flaws am I willing to overlook and what are those I REFUSE to deal with? Some people may believe that looking back into your past is a constant reminder of a place you no longer want to be but I believe you can’t change your future if you’re not willing to go dive into your past. Hindsight is such an insightful teacher…. But I love me.
As you’re lying in your fistful of tears and keep asking yourself, “Why won’t I just leave?” And the little voice inside you says, “Because you love him.” Take another moment to yourself and evaluate what love truly is. So many people have the thought of love misconstrued. They think it’s bitter, it’s painful. That’s the total opposite. True love encompasses all and mends even the most fragile heart. Forced companionship and disregarding our gut instincts are what leaves us bitter. At the end of the day, you have to say eff your feelings and know when it’s time to choose you. The right man will never come along if you’re too busy investing your time in the wrong one. But I love me.
As I wrap up this post, I have to say this… Remember to always guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. Use your heart, but never forget to take your head with you… If a man tells you, “I’m really in tune with my emotions and I love hard.” Translation… RUN GUH!!!!!!!! This means he beats chicks up when he’s pissed!!! Read the fine print on those Dickfax!! Hahahaha!!! 😉 I’m joking, I’m joking. But seriously, learn yourself, trust yourself, and most importantly, respect yourself. When it’s all said and done, you only have one choice. Who do you choose? Put that woman first… ♥
P.S. I saw a meme the other day that said it takes about 62 “I’m done’s” before a chick is really done with her mate…. What number are you on??